15/4/14

A playlist of my favourite songs can tell you more about me than any words  I can get to stumble out of my mouth. I grew up with a boyband listening sister who then moved onto listening to RnB. And logically, you'd half expect having been subjected to that music it'd be the kinda  music I listened to - but it's the only kind of music I don't like. I shared a room with her for almost all of my childhood - much to my dismay. I drew a line in the middle of the room, I took her stuff and put it in the bin, made sure  the cigarettes she was hiding were on full display to our parents and ripped her detention slip up  so she'd get into further trouble (she needed it to show at school).
Sisterly love was not something I possessed.
It got progressively worse as we got older, of course. I agree with nothing she has done so far in her life. And I think it's fair to say we don't 'talk' it's more like.... flippant commentary. You know, when someone asks you how you are and you ask them but neither of you  actually give a flying shit? It's like that.
The only thing that ever made any sense to me was music. I consider it a lifeline. A surge of panic goes through me when I go out without my ipod. Listening to music, head down or glancing out the window, making no eye  contact with anyone is how you can normally find me on public transport. I relate to music the way people relate to friends. Music is the only thing that's been consistent in my life. People have come and gone, but music never leaves. If anything, it keeps on coming back. And multiplying by the week. There is song for every moment and ever feeling I've ever had. And that's why I listen to music.
My brother moved out first. Then my sister. And then there was me. I moved out twice. And learnt that both of my sister's are dating complete assholes. Which for the life of me I could not fit an explanation of that into a blog post... it  would end up like the thickness of a bible.
I've lived in England, Wales and Scotland. In motels, B&B's, on a island and on caravan sites. And yet, I'm still living with my parents in a flat in a town that I have no attachment to. I've never had any attachment to any place we've lived. Nowhere has ever felt like home and it still doesn't. Therefore, I have no idea where home is. And never really know if I will.
This week, like most weeks really made me realize if there's one thing I suck at more than anything, it's multitasking. I cannot focus of doing more than one thing at a time. In the same day.
It's running and come home 3 times a week. Anything else I have to do on those days is usually done wrong, half-assed or not at all. Much to the annoyance of most people involved I imagine.
Media interview 2 was accomplished this week. It's ten times worse than being in the paper.... Having just got over being in the local paper (which barely made a difference)  I am now beginning to mentally prepare myself for an interview being aired on TV  in the next few weeks. It's for the local news which is aired to a fair few counties. Sooo it's a much bigger audience and if this doesn't make a difference than I am officially collapsing into a heap on the floor. I kid you not. I have not agreed to having my face on tv for a laugh...
P.S - I am currently planning on not watching it when it airs. Not at least with everyone else in the same room.
xo